Quanada, A Possible Change in Heart

Since I became an MRA, I gained interest in looking into the subject of domestic violence against specifically male victims. This town has several shelters, uniquely it has two dedicated to men only. However, only one is dedicated to victims of domestic violence. In 2012, after my encounter with Quincy’s court system, I realized how much the system abused certain resources put in place to help victims against abusers. I started down the rabbit hole, and reality hit…hard.

I looked up the local domestic Violence shelter in town, Quanada. The first thing I noticed was how it used female pronouns to refer to victims and of all the pages on their site, there was only one male pronoun and it was only there to say that men were held in separate locations when compared to women. Yet, the only location Quanada gave on their site was the female shelter. In 2013 I finally decided to question Quanada. I called them up and asked where men were held. Their answer was absurd. If a man was to find help, they referred him to the Salvation Army… as if they hadn’t already thought of that.
This wasn’t fair, men had to call the shelter or go to the shelter to even find where to seek help. In my mind, this meant the possibility that your abuser would find out what you were up to and you’d be screwed. In early 2014, I went to the local community college because I knew I was bound to find something there. I went into the women’s bathrooms and found plaques in each stall that referred women to Quanada, it also had stickers on paper towel dispensers that were hard to miss. Every plaque said, “You deserve respect”.
I sent my boyfriend into the men’s bathrooms, they were RIGHT NEXT to the women’s bathroom. The only thing that separated them was a wall. The only thing he found were statistics and ways that the young men could help women. There was no information on how they could help themselves flee. This I realized was a good example of sexism against the male gender.

Women's Bathroom 2nd ppr towel holder

Women’s Bathroom At JWCC in 2014

Men's Restroom

Men’s Bathroom At JWCC 2014

Men's Restroom 2

Men’s Bathroom At JWCC in 2014

Quanada Plaque

Women’s Bathroom At JWCC in 2014 (every stall)

Due to my ignorance of proper procedure, I created posters that informed young men using the bathrooms what was in the women’s bathrooms, along with factual information that men are victims at the same rate. And for the last line I put, “let Quanada know you deserve respect too”. These posters didn’t last too long due to posting them illegally. However, something must have happened, because we visited the same bathrooms, the statistics on how to help female victims were gone! Sure, there wasn’t anything on how to help themselves, but they weren’t encouraging the young men to stick their necks out while they went with nothing either.

Before I could do anything further, life hit me and I had to focus on my family. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I was free from the burden of extreme responsibility that I decided, using the old information, to check up on what actually happened at the Salvation Army. I was surprised to find out that nothing was happening there, they didn’t know what I was talking about. Of course, I was skeptical in believing that they didn’t have a clue as to what I was talking about. I specifically asked, “Who is the overseer of the Male Domestic Violence Program?” . I was given reference to the name, Heidi, and so I two days ago I visited Hiedi in the pursuit of answers. She claimed that and I quote, “If Quanada sends people here it is strictly because they are homeless,”. She insisted that they played no part in the Domestic Violence program. So I was forced to go back to where I had started.

On Tuesday, February 23, 2016, I looked up Quanada’s Domestic Violence Program Director and decided to make the phone call. Jennifer Vancil, I found, had been given this title only a year and a half ago. It was no wonder I went a complete circle, because since she has taken this position a number of things have happened. I practically interviewed her over the phone:

1. How often does Quanada see male victims or men who claim to be victims?

Reply Summation: Depends, male victims don’t come forward as easily, but there has been a definite increase of males that do come forward.

2. How often does Quanada gain males simply seeking regular shelter due to homelessness?

Reply Summation: Quanada only deals with Victims of domestic violence, so if anyone is seeking shelter simply due to homelessness, male or female, we refer them to domestic violence.

3. Who is the overseer of the men’s domestic violence program pertaining to battered men?

Reply Summation: If they’re a victim of domestic violence, male or female, they are housed here. I don’t think it would be fair, they’re all victims. Everyone does counseling together male or female.

4. Is there a program for male batterers? If so who runs that project?

Reply Summation: We don’t oversee that, it’s a paid program run by Steve Swink

5. Are there any programs for female aggressors?

Reply Summation: That’s something Quincy needs to work on

        As you can see, 2014 was a major turning point for the Quanada website. Just by comparing the old website to the new one, you can see the difference. All pronouns referring to definite genders are gone. But it doesn’t necessarily mean the bias is gone, no. The only pictures that are on the website are souly of women and children. They don’t necessarily break away from the old statistics, they don’t have any fund raisers that create awareness for specifically male victims. All I am saying is that it is a progressive move forward. Being that the last few few words of our phone conversation ended with, call me at any time, I have hope. So cross your fingers people and listen, because opportunity knocks softly.

Quanada in 2013

Image (4)

Image (3)Image (2)Image

 

Changes Made to Quanada Website

Image (5)

 

 

 

Madonna House Fliers Posted

Around three months ago, I sent an email to John Wood’s “Dean of Student Services and Registrar” describing my concern about the lack of information available to their male students. Madonna House was now offering their services to homeless males, but their fliers weren’t within male reach.

From: Cora Newbold
Sent: Tuesday, July 21, 2015 3:47 PM
To: Leah Benz <lbenz@jwcc.edu>
Subject: Your Bathrooms

 

I was concerned about the information or lack-there-of, located in your bathrooms. There are fliers and plentiful information in the women’s bathrooms, however, when searching for any information in the men’s bathrooms there are nothing more than information on how to wash your hands correctly.

There are plaques for Quanada, Fliers for the Madonna House both claim to be organizations that help both men and women, yet there is no information in the mens’ bathrooms.

Is it the organizations that request where these items are placed? Do you have any say in where these items are placed? Please know, that without sufficient information and awareness to males, there is no point in making the claim that these organizations are helping males.

However, I simply want to know if you are the responsible party for where these items are placed in the building.

This quickly followed with a reply:

On Fri, Jul 24, 2015 at 2:05 PM, Cody Baggett

Hi Cora,

 

Mr. Elbe’s office forwarded me your message below. As we discussed the other evening, I will work to make sure we have adequate representation of resources in both the men’s and women’s restrooms on JWCC’s campus.

 

I want to be clear that we do have programming to educate and provide resources both men and women in the areas that you expressed concern.

 

As discussed, we will continue to provide awareness opportunities to our community resources to all college participants.

 

Cody

 

Cody Baggett

Dean of Students & Registrar

After reading this, I waited for a few months before I re-entered the school to investigate if any changes had been made. Though none were made at that point in time, when I went back today, I had a surprise waiting for me.

screenshot-twitter com 2015-11-06 17-12-43 MensBRThe poster on the far right is in the Men’s Restroom. It’s a flier for The Madonna House even though it is described as a shelter for pregnant women and women with children, it is currently taking in homeless men. However, young men at the school wouldn’t have known to even look at the fliers or that the Madonna house was taking in males due to its history of only taking in women. This is why I talked to the school about getting the new fliers placed in the men’s bathrooms, how else would they get the information?

This probably doesn’t look like much, but this feels like a victory. Just realizing it took several months for this to get to this point is unbelievable, I didn’t realize how much time had flown by.

 

Feminist Programming & De-Programming

Programming is a technique used by cults to assimilate new members into its belief system. In a Feminist society every splinter of cultural belief is used to influence a person to believe a certain way. Does the group realize this process? No, all it sees is itself pressing their message. They see their dream being fulfilled through ‘educating’ others.

There’s a difference between cult mentality and a group simply believing in something. Cults use coincidence and cherry-picked facts to reinforce previous beliefs and will never change their beliefs, despite new information. While groups form beliefs based upon facts and will change their beliefs based upon new information. Instead of applying new information to mold their beliefs, feminists will apply new information to reinforce why their belief is right the way it is.

Each phrase in this line of videos intertwines with the other. All of it is believed at once, like a domino effect, you can be in the process of “I should be able to speak my mind”, being extremely rude, yelling crossing boundaries…then get interrupted and claim that the guy wasn’t respecting you (which is emphasized by the belief of “You deserve respect”). (More videos will be added as time goes on)

All these beliefs at once cause women to not learn vital relationship skills. It creates a foundation of assumptions which then has them make  impulsive choices, in turn it makes their lives miserable. Their lives fall down the toilet, but they use the poor conditions of their lives and broken relationships as evidence as to why:

  1. they need feminism
  2. they are oppressed
  3. people need to help

It’s a constant cycle, only when a woman stops to question whether she is actually oppressed or not does she start out of this cycle. However this means that the woman will have to question her past as well, which is something most women won’t do, it makes them feel less guilty to just say “I’m oppressed by men”. If not she’ll have to start realizing certain things, hard things to admit to.

(Men are Violent excuse) Every bad relationship she’s ever been in was

  • because she chose the man she was with
  • she contributed to the abuse
  • she was the abuser, had the anger issues, and negative habits

(Wage Gap Excuse) She’s living in poverty because

  • she’s lazy
  • she chose to have a child
  • she’s not living within her means (expects more than what she can afford)
  • she’s not planning financially
  • She overspends

(Fat Acceptance Excuse) She’s Obese because

  • She’s lazy
  • She over eats
  • She needs to exercise more

No matter what problem she has, it has to be seen as stemming from a choice she made. This is the key to deprogramming a feminist. Know that even IF a woman denounces the feminist title she can still have feminist habits ingrained into her personality. It’s hard to do and it can only be done by the person themselves, but it’s possible. The best way to have a feminist change, is to have someone she is emotionally attached share their lives with her. A brother, a boyfriend, their son… they need to know the pain of what they’re going through first hand. Almost like an intervention, it’s painful but effective and SO worth it.

 

 

 

Men Don’t Tell Movie

A movie made in 1993 which never was released on DVD or VHS due to the backlash from “women’s groups” aka Feminist groups. Why? It paints a reality that women can be extremely violent and it doesn’t take a complete and total wimp to be a victim. This Movie is based on a TRUE story. More Information: Men Don’t Tell Wikipedia

 

Quincy Police Department

I feel like I have made a great start towards turning this town into a town of true equality. Small steps forward are still, none the less, steps forward. In my attempt to move past blasting my opinions on social media, I have aimed towards making a difference physically where I am. I have recently contacted the chief of police in Quincy Illinois (my current residence), to bring up a matter I found was related.

The following is my letter sent to Mr. Robert Copley (Chief of Police) along with Fax Confirmation that it was sent/received:

2015-05-19

Mr. Copley replied within 24hours, however due to certain circumstances I am unable to post his reply. Yet, when comparing the old page’s phrases with the new, I have found that they have been successfully changed with the suggestions into gender neutral terms. Keeping things gender neutral is extremely important. People can be convinced just through every-day reading of certain myths. Assumptions made on continuously hearing or assimilating the same dis-information, and based upon these assumptions create biased opinions even before knowing facts. They may have only been three sentences, but that’s three less in the support of a double standard.

I have chosen to keep pursuing this matter, the next step would be to try to target the State’s Attorney or the local Domestic Violence shelter, Quanada, into trying to make changes there. Stop Violence Against EVERYONE